my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
