Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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