I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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