sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
