Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
