There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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