I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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