This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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