I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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