I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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