i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
