My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
