Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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