I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
