I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
