I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I pour the whiskey from now on
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
