when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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