I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
