So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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