i need an iv and a liver transplant
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
