Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
