i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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