Duck Duck Cougar?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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