Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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