apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
