Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Randomize
