so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
