So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
