you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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