can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
