you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
well you can't waste a boner
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
