I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Will exercising make me less horny?
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
