Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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