hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
