Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
