my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
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