Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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