Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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