i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
