Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
