we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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