He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
