Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
