it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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