Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
