Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
