I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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