he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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