I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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