Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
