I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
