Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
